What If programming languages were weapons

1. C is an M1 Garand standard issue rifle, old but reliable.

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2. C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.

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3. Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it now.

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4. Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.

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5. Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.

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6. JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.

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7. Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.

 

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8. Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.

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9. bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.

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10. Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.

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11. Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.

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12. PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.

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13. Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.

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14. C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.

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15. Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom

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